you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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