I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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