its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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