did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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