I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize