It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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