Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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