I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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