Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize