Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dear god my vagina.
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