Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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