Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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