I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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