My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize