just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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