is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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