I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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