420 ftw
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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