i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize