you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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