Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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