I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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