please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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