he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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