My boss' voice literally gives me gas
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize