i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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