How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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