just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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