there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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