I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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