we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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