I wish I could teleport
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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