I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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