hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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