I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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