after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize