best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
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I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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