Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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