im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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