There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize