i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
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I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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