I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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