I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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