just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Randomize