I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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