She said her name was "party"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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