So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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