hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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