Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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