We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize